Steroids

Every year when I was in my thirties I would give some thought to doing steroids. Just one cycle so I would be "pumped" for Pride. I have always been lean. People say I am sexy, but sexy to me was those "muscle marys". When I would be out I would feel second class physically next to them. I would watch them bulk up during the spring, looking fabulous, well I continued to work out hard with little gain. I have accepted that I will always be lean. But I always dreamed of being one of them.

After giving it serious consideration I always came to the same conclusion, which was to not do steroids. At the core of my belief system was who I am as person, not what I looked like. I want to spend time with someone or someones that want to spend time with me. For who I am. Who appreciate my values, find me interesting, think I am witty, admire my honesty and integrity. It was always the right choice. After all packaging is just that, packaging. But we are a society that is attracted to the packaging. We love that shiny, pretty paper. How many millions our spent on cosmetic surgery a year? Enough to feed small nations.

My errands today had me running into a former "hot throb". I used to have such a big crush on him. He was beautiful. He has been living in California for the last four years and just moved back. I couldn't help but look at him and think long term steroid use has not been kind to him. And it isn't just him. It is just that I hadn't seen him in four years so the change was extremely noticeable. We don't see those small changes on people we see everyday, but it is there. Over a decade of doing cycles has ended up ravaging the body. Too much steroid use moves the body from being sexy to being tired looking, used, even just older.

My earlier life choices for not using steroids was to preserve my personal integrity. Years later I now realize it also preserved my "looks". Life really is funny.