It's Time

"It's so hard admitting when it's quittin' time" sighs Mary Chapin Carpenter. "It's the end of a long good bye" sympathises Beverley Mahood. "It's not about blame" Holly Dunn whispers in my ear. All songs that say the same thing and remind me I am not the first person nor is it the first time I have reached the point where a relationship is ending. There is a significant amount of sadness. So I will feel sad. There is disappointment. So I am disappointed. I will not cover my true feelings. I will embrace them. Experience them. I will grieve. And then I will move on.

It has not worked out with the dogs. I adore them but I am not the right home for them. I now must begin the task of finding them a new home. I will miss them. Sometimes. I won't miss those early morning walks in the middle of winter. I will miss having Cookie curl up beside me when I watch tv. I won't miss Oreo's mild craziness. I will miss their excitement when I come home.

Perhaps the thing that affects me most is that this is just another ending I am facing at middle age. It seems that when you are younger it is all about new beginnings. Going off to university. Your first apartment. Your first job. Your first car. Your first relationship. Your first house. Your first, your first, your first. As you age it becomes about endings.

There really is nothing good about good-bye.