Letter Home - 25 Years Later

Dear Me:

Hey, it's me. I know you don't know me at all. That's okay you will spend years looking for me. I know you oh so well, yet still, you often surprise me. You are an interesting one. It's 2008 and I will be 43 years old this year, but for you, it is only 1983 and you are just 18 years old. Your whole life ahead of you. I remember you as this naive young boy with the only dream of getting out of your one horse town. I want you to know that you will realize that dream and so many more.

I want to share somethings with you as you search for your place in the world. I wonder if you would still take that first job after university if you knew you were going to be fired? If you knew that you would get your heart broken a couple of times in addition to breaking a couple of hearts, would you love differently? If you knew that Grandma was going to die before your 25th birthday would you spend more time with her?

You will experience much joy in life. You will experience pain, sadness and darkness as well. I can tell you that you will go through a period when you want to give up. If I could wrap my arms around you tightly and whisper in your ear that it was all going to be okay I would. But you will find your way on your own. You will find a new strength, a new courage and emerge stronger and braver.

You will search for love and happiness and will someday find out that they have always been within you. You will spend too much time looking outside for it before you realize that you have to look inside.

And the mistakes you make. The tears you will shed and the regret you will hold on too. Know my dear friend that one day you will see all your mistakes as wonderful gifts that you will treasure always.

The friends you will make and the friends you will lose. You are a restless spirit and will try many things. That restless spirit will make you feel lost until you realize that that restless spirit will have allowed you to try so many things. You will find yourself living in a big world. The small town boy will be left in the dust. Be open to life's experiences and know when to let go of things that don't work for you.

There is no point worrying about what anyone else is thinking. That will be your hardest lesson. Your life is about you, for you. Hold on to that.

I don't know if we will ever meet. Perhaps one day the past and present will collide and we will celebrate with a night on the town.

I want you to know that I will never forget you. You have given me so much and you don't even know it.

I know I have said a lot in this letter. But please don't change a thing. You will be just fine.

Warmest Regards,

Me

P.S. I love you

Britney Spears

That girl can't be ignored. I wish she could. Thousands of magazines have her face plastered all over it and Dr. Phil is wieghing in as well as countless others I am sure but since I have really paid little attention it is just a guess.

So I say go on Britney....have your meltdown. And make it as public as possible. You have the time, the money, the attention and probably whatever else is required. For most of us we will never have that luxury. We must cope. Get up everyday and do what we have to do. Most days we love it. They are our life choices and hopefully we take full responsibility for our life choices. There is nothing more liberating. But I too have had periods of my life when I was really struggling. I just didn't have the time, the money, the attention or whatever else it is you need to have a meltdown. I had to just keep going.

Someday the poor dear may find herself working at Walmart and living in a trailer park and she will be just fine. Because she will have to keep going and will no longer have the luxury of a meltdown. So enjoy it to the fullest. Make it as public as possible. And then please just go away.

Brain Mush

Ok...my first two entries of the year have a similar theme. It is just that I did the second entry a few minutes ago as I spend all day saturday sitting in an SQL course but I have access to the internet. So I spent the morning surfing the net and then thought I know I will do a blog entry but so bored I had nothing to say. I never did well sitting in a classroom. Give me the book and I will read on my own. I have the attention span of a nat. I think I do suffer from ADD.

2008 - The Best Year

I have already decided that 2008 will be the best year so far of my forties. How can it not be? Turning forty wasn't so much hard as confusing. It made me really evaluate my life and where I was at and if it was where I wanted to be. Sometimes the answer was yes and sometimes the answer was no but most of the time the problem was the answer was I didn't know. I was never someone who had a plan or direction or a dream. I just dealt with each day as it came along. When my forties started I thought I need a plan, I need direction, I need a dream. And then I went racing around trying to make it all happen. It was crazy making. I was trying to change people and things to fit this new vision. Most of the time it blew up in my face. I am done with all that. I am just fine. Without a plan. Without a direction. Without a dream. Instead I have decided to go back to just enjoying and experiencing each day as it comes along. I have set some goals for myself this year. And they are all manageable. I have no need to change anything around me. I am much happier already. It has been a great year so far.

Hello 2008

The beginning of this year already feels so exciting and I believe that this is going to be a spectacular year. After three years of drifting trying to find something, anything to grab on to. Desperately searching for solid ground as the winds of change kept swirling around me. Perhaps it was a forties thing. I have no idea what propelled me on the journey that I have been on for the last three years. Searching for the meaning of life, my life. Searching for love. Searching for acceptance. Trying every possible door I could imagine. Disappointment after disappointment. Rewards after rewards. Trying so hard to be happy. As I sit here today I feel like I finally found it. It was right here all the time. Three years of looking for something external. Three years of searching to find it and it was right here all the time. I was too busy looking outside of me to look inside of me. As life goes I had to travel those roads to get back to me. I found it all right there, love, acceptance, peace. Armed with these new found gifts I embrace 2008 and all that it has to offer. I am getting it back on the road. I just took the long way around.