World Aids Day

Today is World Aids Day. As an HIV- man I am greatly affected by HIV/AIDS. I realize that there is a big difference between being affected vs being infected. I also remember the beginning. I was still very young. Just in my teens. I was sleeping with one of my high school teachers and one night at his place he brought out condoms before anal sex because of "things" that he was hearing. When I first moved to Toronto in the eighties sexual contact was fairly limited. Most people were scared. There was this thing called AIDS and there were no answers, just questions. The one thing that we should be able to do freely, sex, was no longer free. There was a very big price tag and no one was shopping. A lot has changed. And a lot hasn't. It will soon be thirty years. Thirty years and people still test positive everyday. There are still no answers. And I am still greatly affected by HIV. It is part of my daily life. I have volunteered at Casey House. This summer I did the PWA bike ride. I attend numerous fund raisers. I donate monthly to ACT. I had a lover who was HIV+. I have friends that have been positive for a long time and friends that have recently become infected. It impacts my dating life. I won't date someone who is HIV+. That always causes a reaction but I have no need to provide anyone with all the reasons why. As mentioned I had a lover who was HIV+ so you must realize that decision is also partly based on personal experience. Thirty years ago HIV/AIDS brought the gay community together. Now it has divided us on some level. There is an isolation and rejection that HIV+ men do experience. I am sorry for that. Throughout history there has always been war and diseases. That is why some people say that our time here on earth is hell and when we die that is heaven. I don't want to believe that. I don't want to see the world that way. I still want to believe in the good. As I go about my "normal" Saturday I will be having breakfast with a friend of mine who is HIV+ and then later on helping another friend with some chores who is also HIV+. So yes, although I am HIV-, HIV affects my life on a daily basis. And that is just here in my own little world in Toronto. I can't begin to wrap my head around the "World" in World Aids Day when my world aids day requires all my energy.