Dreams

I woke this morning before six and felt sad, lonely and unhappy. I couldn't shake the feeling. I got up and had a cigarette and watched the sun come up. I tried to think positive thoughts. I tried to find the good in a recent experience. Nothing. I went back to bed. Tossed and turned and thought about getting up. I fell back into a restless sleep and dreamed. I often don't remember my dreams but I remember this one.

I was in two places. My past and present. My present was there and I knew it was there, but I was clearly in my past. I was in my old house. There were bugs everywhere and the place was dirty. I tried to vacuum up these big black bugs and then the wire to the vacuum cleaner become suddenly cut and I couldn't vacuum up the bugs anymore. My mother suddenly appeared in my dream and started verbally attacking me. But I was also aware my present was there. I knew I had my new place and could go there. For some reason though in my dream I didn't go. I stayed in my past. I woke up. Everything become so clear. It is amazing what we learn from our dreams.

I have carefully made choices over the last two years in regards to changing my life. Some of my choices turned out to be foolish, but most of them turned out to be really wise. It is funny sometimes how we get to where we are supposed to be in spite of ourselves.

I have also carefully chosen who I will be bringing with me in my new life. I have packed them up like treasured heirlooms. I appreciate all my past experiences, but there are times my past still seems truly frightening to me. My dream reminded me of this.

So forward I go. Happily.