Letting Go

I used to say that 2006 was my year of letting it all go. And I let go of a lot of things but somehow the lesson wasn't learned fully. I find myself still holding on too way to many things. Current things. Events that have happened recently that weigh me down and don't add value to my life and in many ways can tend to be destructive to my inner soul. I want to be freer. I want to forgive quicker and let love flow through me. If it is what I want why does it continue to be that brass ring just out of reach? I continue to be something of a dreamer. Something of a fool. The person I need to stop and love the most is me. I commit to telling myself something I love about myself everyday. Today I love my feet. Lathered up in pepperment lotion in the morning and aveda foot cream in the evening. I walk almost everywhere. My feet love the special treatment I give them. The brass ring is getting closer. Someday when I finally grab it I promise to never let it go.

Straight-Menophobic

The trip to PV presented itself with lots of learning opportunites. I have always been "straight-menophobic". It probably stems from growing up gay and being bullied in school by straight boys. One tends to over generalize and assume that all straight men dislike you. I have always done well with straight women and have allowed my phobia to be a wall between myself and straight men. This has no doubt held me back at various points in my life. When in their company I find I have little to say. Can't really talk about cars, sports or girls. An internalized dialogue usually starts in my head about the fact that they won't like me. In PV I had the opportunity to socialize with a straight man from the States. He had a heating business, big hockey fan, liked cars, catholic and three kids. We didn't have much common ground. But everyday he choose to come over and sit with me for a couple of hours and "shoot the breeze". I realized that I am quite capable of carrying on a conversation with a straight man. So much so that he kept coming back. My world continues to open up and continues to get easier. This isn't to say that I am going out in search of befriending straight men around the world, but my phobia is gone. And that's a good thing.

We Are All One

I just got back from a trip to Peurto Vallarta and stayed at an all inclusive. All inclusive's clearly are not my thing. It was my first time to stay at one. There is an interesting mentality when staying at an all inclusive. A sense of entitlement to the abundance. I personally found it a little difficult to watch people pile food on their plate and discard some of it in a country where there is clearly poverty. I found it difficult to the way guests treated the hard working staff. As if they were there personal staff for the week without hardly a please and thank you. The interesting thing is that people say that I am a snob. And I am. On some level. I like nice things. I work hard and have no dependants so I have the luxury of my pay cheque being all for me. And I spend it all on me. Does that make me a snob? I don't think so. How I treat people is what really matters. I hope and pray that I go through life treating people as equals. What stops me from truly honouring that is when people play out their issues and I am impacted. I always must remind myself that I cannot change the world. But I can continue to work on me and change me.

Boston Legal

When I have nothing to say and haven't posted anything in a while I resort to sharing the something in my life that I currently am loving. As far as tv watching goes I find it very challenging to commit to a tv schedule. So I love the fact that you can buy everything on dvd (albiet a season behind) and watch on your own schedule. I have found myself with a couple of days off and had planned many activities and one of those activities was relaxing and watching season 3 of Boston Legal. The show is brilliant. Actually I find that almost anything David Kelly does is brilliant. There is little point of going on and on about the virtues of the show. Treat yourself buy the dvd's and enjoy. There are too many life lessons and too many laughs to be had not to watch the show. Most television is mindless. It is fantastic to have entertaining television that is also extremely bright in how current social issues are handled.